Saturday, October 2, 2010

Be Careful (How) You Wish For...

Like many people in the world, I used to be a server at a restaurant.  Also, like many people, this experience has scarred me for life, and has probably irreparably harmed my chances of ever having a normal relationship with another person.  However, unlike many others, my complaints about the job aren't about bad tips, or rude customers.  Bad tips come with the job, you should know its going to happen.  Firefighters don't complain about the heat.

No, it's actually the nice customers that would bother me the most.  Not all nice customers, just certain ones.  For examples, the ones who try to tell you jokes, and fail, horribly.  I'm talking about jokes that the only reason you know it's a joke is because the guy has that "I just told a joke face."


That Face
Overall, its not that bad though.  There's a good chance that no matter what you do to your server, they hate somebody they work with more than you, and it's unlikely you can do anything that can make the server remember you 10 minutes after you leave.

There is one thing though...

You get a lot of birthday parties at restaurants.  One time a birthday party came in for the family's grandmother, who just turned 80.  Now, usually when somebody comes in for a birthday, we give them a slice of cake with a candle in it.  Sometimes, larger groups will bring in their own cake and candles, as this group did.  Perhaps, I was unloved, but the last time the actual number of candles on the cake reflected the exact age I was turning, I was 12, and every birthday since, there were just a couple candles.  I assume this happens with everybody, though perhaps the year is different.  

But for this group, they still believed in the proper number of candles, they wanted 80 candles on their cake.  

Actual cake**

I somehow manage to fit 80 candles on the cake, light them without setting the place on fire or setting off a fire alarm, and walk it to the table.  We sing to the old lady, and after about 20 minutes of wheezing and coughing, she manages to blow out the last candle.

One of her granddaughters tell her to make a wish...

"I just wish to see 81"

Then her daughter (who I imagine must be in her 50s) blurted out "Ma, you can't tell us what your wish is, now it won't come true.

The restaurant turned silent, everybody, excluding the daughter, realized the same thing, that this old lady's daughter just basically condemned her to death.  This might have been okay if I hadn't started laughing.

So, in a roundabout way, what I'm trying to tell you is, ignore the saying "Be careful what you wish" instead you should "Be careful HOW you wish," because if you do it wrong, you'll die.


**not actual cake